I hesitate to accept that it was the miles between us that led to the erosion.
While the summer heat wages a winning battle against an aged apartment air conditioner, I continue my pointless pondering. How did it come to this?
Why must I need to hit the interstates each time I need company of good friends? If I resist the road travel, then my friend-need would almost automatically force me to aboard a large plane with a pressurized cabin. It really wasn’t like this before.
Now, I feel as if the local streets have imposed sanctions on me. And, that the town I stay in, will always remain just a town I stayed in but not where the memories remain. Who would plot such a needless war?
Pundits say I am the problem. They say that I am “dial”- button shy. They say that I wait for only ONE/TWO unanswered call(s) before transferring blame and acquitting me of the charges of not trying to be social. They say I am only getting what I deserved.
I fear it’s a dangerous loop which unfortunately is easily triggered when you are in deep “shit” (Please pardon the American English) and you find yourself without a helping hand. Thinking that this will remain a trend, you begin toughening up before you seek further help. Which of course pushes the existing friends away…
This carries on until you toughen up to a level of undesirable brittle-ness and wake up. Essentially, compare this to a Vase rolling off a bed on to the floor. Even the vase must realize that a bed can only run so wide.( If you are thinking of how the Vase got on the bed and rolled off, then you are entirely missing the point of this post. It’s best that you leave now because I start concluding from here on)
However, if you are born with an undying and melodramatic-ham-acting human sprit, you continue denying your shattered disposition and attempt to toughen up further. This time you introduce some flexibility by eliminating all expectations and live a life similar to that of vegetable soup. All the ingredients are there but would you not much rather have something else?
So then the question remains…
Have I done this to myself?
Or was it just the fucking miles?
Ps: I really want to blame the title but I can’t.
take care of yourself
I just remembered that sometime back you had ritten something on my blog..Its amazing to see how despite each of us being unique monsters, our tribulations are quite similiar Guess my turn to say that now 🙂
Blame the stars, if that makes it any better…
And maybe it isnt that bad an idea to “dial” buttons aint tht bad, just give it a try!
And also, i loved this post!
Upasna: Thank you. You are always kind to my posts. As far as dialling goes I am out of local numbers.
By the way, I am not blaming the stars. Read the title again..there is a clue in there!
Oh i knew you were talking about the 50 stars..though i am surprised you weren’t/ haven’t blamed them/ didn’t want to blame them…
And I wish I could blame this ‘Unending Keep’ for the same…yet why do 3 (or possibly more) fingers always point at the self??
Upasna: I think that its the easy way out. I am tired of the easy way outs.
Aradhita: So I am not alone?
Can’t comment…can relate…its prolly worse living in India…smaller country and fucking expensive to travel..
Its funny, how in a world u can stay so well connected, u still feel so alone…ain’t it?
(okay, sorry, I said I wldn’t comment!)
I liked this post, really did.
Wishes,
PN
I count myself lucky to not face this problem anymore. A move last year took care of this – a short stint elsewhere proved to be a nightmare, but the Northwest has been kinder.
There is some value to those free nights and weekends on your cellphone plan. They’re the only reason I’m still sane. 3 hour phone conversations with someone other than your SO sounds weird to people, but they were a lifeline.
Hang in there. And a warning – it gets worse before it gets better.
No you are not ‘alone’. the sentence is an irony in itself…:)
I missed the bigger picture, but i know exactly what you mean.. oh no its no playful paradox, i mean it.
PN: Thanks. I suppose as we all grow older, most of our unique experiences began converging into a common bad. Wishes for you too.
Ajay: I am glad you struck luck. And thanks for the warning albeit a bit late. Its already begun.
Aradhita: Why do you make so much sense?
Dk: I saw the bigger picture. That too is no playful paradox.