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David’s waiting game had its
consequences. Largely, they were damaging.
consequences. Largely, they were damaging.
This profound thought did not dawn
upon him as he climbed peaks in South America or when he floated in
the Bavarian seas. It wasn’t even the fact that he was actively counting years
and checking off his birthday, year after year. Rather, his oldness came about
as he was shaving. It is perhaps the only time when a man looks squarely in his
eyes and sees a truth that is often softened by mirrors that stand at a
distance.
upon him as he climbed peaks in South America or when he floated in
the Bavarian seas. It wasn’t even the fact that he was actively counting years
and checking off his birthday, year after year. Rather, his oldness came about
as he was shaving. It is perhaps the only time when a man looks squarely in his
eyes and sees a truth that is often softened by mirrors that stand at a
distance.
And in that mirror, when he was up
close under the non-diffused yellow ambient light, David saw a decade. David
saw age under his eyes, on his forehead, in the dull whiteness of his otherwise
searching eyes, in wrinkles of persistent nature and in the abundance of grey
hair that could no longer be suppressed by short cropped haircuts.
close under the non-diffused yellow ambient light, David saw a decade. David
saw age under his eyes, on his forehead, in the dull whiteness of his otherwise
searching eyes, in wrinkles of persistent nature and in the abundance of grey
hair that could no longer be suppressed by short cropped haircuts.
He was at age where he experienced
despair and splendor, ennui and excitement at the same time. Like in a day in
spring, he would be cold and perspiring regardless of the attire. It didn’t take much
to bring down the tempo but it took massive amount of effort to get it going
again. David had always hated inertia and her realities.
despair and splendor, ennui and excitement at the same time. Like in a day in
spring, he would be cold and perspiring regardless of the attire. It didn’t take much
to bring down the tempo but it took massive amount of effort to get it going
again. David had always hated inertia and her realities.
Mostly, he was at an age where he wished
away each day and where he couldn’t blame his parents anymore (Porcupine tree).
David wanted to do so much more but found that he was always running out of
time, never excuses. He had his heart set on self-made wall art which never materialized
over a naked wall. He wanted to dig deep but couldn’t go past first earth. He was
convinced that the decision to not steal Aston Martin was the right one. He
just couldn’t understand then why he would find himself sitting on the floor in
tightest corner of his kitchen, well aware that the floor is likely to be cold and not
entirely spotless. He liked that spot since it was much too uncomfortable to cry in but
rather to think his way out.
away each day and where he couldn’t blame his parents anymore (Porcupine tree).
David wanted to do so much more but found that he was always running out of
time, never excuses. He had his heart set on self-made wall art which never materialized
over a naked wall. He wanted to dig deep but couldn’t go past first earth. He was
convinced that the decision to not steal Aston Martin was the right one. He
just couldn’t understand then why he would find himself sitting on the floor in
tightest corner of his kitchen, well aware that the floor is likely to be cold and not
entirely spotless. He liked that spot since it was much too uncomfortable to cry in but
rather to think his way out.
David’s waiting game had its
consequences. Selectively, they were rewarding.
consequences. Selectively, they were rewarding.
There was calmness around him which
came largely with her. He was fitter. Stronger and somehow strangely hopeful of
greatness he didn’t deserve. He had seen much, lived a little and read only
slightly more. He was able to sum up his parts, to see himself as a whole; a skill
that he had missed severely in his younger years.
came largely with her. He was fitter. Stronger and somehow strangely hopeful of
greatness he didn’t deserve. He had seen much, lived a little and read only
slightly more. He was able to sum up his parts, to see himself as a whole; a skill
that he had missed severely in his younger years.
Mostly, he was at an age where he felt
he was ready. Not for the reckoning but for whatever paradigm shifts that would come
his way. He still wasn’t ready to buy a manual transmission but he didn’t hate the
double clutch transmissions anymore. In fact, he didn’t hate many things anymore
because he had discovered that her love had truly made it all far easier. That despite
his wrinkles and greying hair, he would still be a David that just wanted to
own an Aston Martin legally. Even if that meant that he had to play the waiting
game longer.
he was ready. Not for the reckoning but for whatever paradigm shifts that would come
his way. He still wasn’t ready to buy a manual transmission but he didn’t hate the
double clutch transmissions anymore. In fact, he didn’t hate many things anymore
because he had discovered that her love had truly made it all far easier. That despite
his wrinkles and greying hair, he would still be a David that just wanted to
own an Aston Martin legally. Even if that meant that he had to play the waiting
game longer.
David’s waiting game had its
consequences. Collectively, they had yet to be truly consequential.
consequences. Collectively, they had yet to be truly consequential.
'And in that mirror, when he was up close under the non-diffused yellow ambient light, David saw a decade.'
This line touched me.
For some reason, David seems to have grown up a bit since the last time that he read out a page from his life.
just a departure from the 2 year happy ending posts now to restless, I'm ready for the new posts. I find it difficult to understand the calmness. I see eagerness.
Aradhita, Even David himself is not shocked with the fact that decade does lead to some growing up!
Upasna, I see it too. Just not at the moment 🙂
Excellent post D! I go through much of the same things as David does.. but you know what, I absolutely admire how well I have aged! I am sure David will notice that the next time he shaves :p Those wrinkles represent the struggles, the many miles traveled and the sights seen.
I find that as I grow older I'm able to look at my corner in the kitchen with more detachment. It is not how many years you put it, it is what you put into those years.
Jasmine: Thanks! I am glad you too are taking aging in stride. What else is there..