Even if he didn’t like to admit it, he
wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing standing in line with the other kids,
dressed in a bright red T shirt and fairly tight black cycling shorts. The
other kids around him were the usual sort; filled with disinterest, cracking
paltry jokes and agreeably waiting on the bell to ring. On the other hand, he
was genuinely curious to know where he would go from here. It did become
painfully clear when a Michael Jackson song began to crackle out of the old
worn out school speakers and his teachers began to instruct on the dance
movement that he was supposed to ape.
wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing standing in line with the other kids,
dressed in a bright red T shirt and fairly tight black cycling shorts. The
other kids around him were the usual sort; filled with disinterest, cracking
paltry jokes and agreeably waiting on the bell to ring. On the other hand, he
was genuinely curious to know where he would go from here. It did become
painfully clear when a Michael Jackson song began to crackle out of the old
worn out school speakers and his teachers began to instruct on the dance
movement that he was supposed to ape.
While the motivation back then was for
different reasons, his dedication to a task was instilled upon him forever. Even
now, no matter how trivial the task, he would always find ways for growing it
out of proportion and then use all his wit to reign it under control. Today, he
packs his bag by making a tabulated list of clothes with respect to his activities,
splitting the day into defined parts. He rehearses entire conversations in
German before he walks into the store. He organizes where none is needed. He plans
even if time isn’t entirely of essence. And even today he dances exactly as he
is instructed to.
different reasons, his dedication to a task was instilled upon him forever. Even
now, no matter how trivial the task, he would always find ways for growing it
out of proportion and then use all his wit to reign it under control. Today, he
packs his bag by making a tabulated list of clothes with respect to his activities,
splitting the day into defined parts. He rehearses entire conversations in
German before he walks into the store. He organizes where none is needed. He plans
even if time isn’t entirely of essence. And even today he dances exactly as he
is instructed to.
It was back in the same school, he
started developing a taste of authority and the secret joys of following the
rules to the hilt. Sundays would almost entirely about making sure he had
freshly ironed uniform and polished shoes. Nails would be trimmed and the knot would
be just abundant enough to ensure that the length of the tie is millimeter
perfect. He was the vice – head boy, a task as previously explained, he took
very seriously. One of the duties of such a post would be to position oneself
on the staircases after the school assembly and carefully observe the students
as they walked back to their classroom. If any of them had failed on the dress
code, it was up to him to single out these deviants and hand them over to the
PT instructor for punishment laps around the ground. Such responsibility, of
course, wouldn’t be without perils. The white canvas shoes couldn’t be cleaned
in the morning since they had to be whitened the night before in order to dry
out. Immense panic would pass through his veins when he would have forgotten to
do just so. So much so that his parents would resort to baking the shoe with
the white paint in the kitchen oven to calm him down. He was a stickler for
authority, he almost never questioned the rules and he would be damned if he didn’t
himself follow them. The inclination for discipline and the confused ideas of
morality continue to swirl in his mind today.
started developing a taste of authority and the secret joys of following the
rules to the hilt. Sundays would almost entirely about making sure he had
freshly ironed uniform and polished shoes. Nails would be trimmed and the knot would
be just abundant enough to ensure that the length of the tie is millimeter
perfect. He was the vice – head boy, a task as previously explained, he took
very seriously. One of the duties of such a post would be to position oneself
on the staircases after the school assembly and carefully observe the students
as they walked back to their classroom. If any of them had failed on the dress
code, it was up to him to single out these deviants and hand them over to the
PT instructor for punishment laps around the ground. Such responsibility, of
course, wouldn’t be without perils. The white canvas shoes couldn’t be cleaned
in the morning since they had to be whitened the night before in order to dry
out. Immense panic would pass through his veins when he would have forgotten to
do just so. So much so that his parents would resort to baking the shoe with
the white paint in the kitchen oven to calm him down. He was a stickler for
authority, he almost never questioned the rules and he would be damned if he didn’t
himself follow them. The inclination for discipline and the confused ideas of
morality continue to swirl in his mind today.
Within those boundaries of ethics,
morality and general civility, his ideas of sexuality were also molding. They involved
her thinness, the darker skin, straight-ish hair and comically large glasses. The
occasional sightings of midriff only cemented his findings. He would find it
poetic to spot un-wiped chalk dust on her cheek bones. Even today he is unable
to muster the same enthusiasm for what is considered mainstream pretty, mostly because
of the lack of unattended chalk dust and excessive make up.
morality and general civility, his ideas of sexuality were also molding. They involved
her thinness, the darker skin, straight-ish hair and comically large glasses. The
occasional sightings of midriff only cemented his findings. He would find it
poetic to spot un-wiped chalk dust on her cheek bones. Even today he is unable
to muster the same enthusiasm for what is considered mainstream pretty, mostly because
of the lack of unattended chalk dust and excessive make up.
Then there was the matter of
competition. He begged for it even if no one wanted to compete. Perhaps that is
why he found solace in his school that almost fostered it. He would participate
in everything only to try to win it all. He thrived of the spirit of competition
and just absolutely reveled in the feeling of winning. Nothing would come close
though to the day when examination results were announced. The anticipation
would make him giddy, his palms would sweat. Once he found out that he had
stood first, he would exhale heavily and only later resort to fake sympathy to
the other who did not do as well. If in fact, he himself didn’t appear in the
first three, he would seek corners to hide and decide the life just wasn’t worth
living. This insanity wasn’t bred by his parents. He was born with it. And even
today, he is cutting apexes to ensure everything in his grasp to race. He is
doing this despite knowing that no one is timing his lap besides him.
competition. He begged for it even if no one wanted to compete. Perhaps that is
why he found solace in his school that almost fostered it. He would participate
in everything only to try to win it all. He thrived of the spirit of competition
and just absolutely reveled in the feeling of winning. Nothing would come close
though to the day when examination results were announced. The anticipation
would make him giddy, his palms would sweat. Once he found out that he had
stood first, he would exhale heavily and only later resort to fake sympathy to
the other who did not do as well. If in fact, he himself didn’t appear in the
first three, he would seek corners to hide and decide the life just wasn’t worth
living. This insanity wasn’t bred by his parents. He was born with it. And even
today, he is cutting apexes to ensure everything in his grasp to race. He is
doing this despite knowing that no one is timing his lap besides him.
Genetics gave him a non-athletic frame
and the color of his eyes; the combination of living in three varied lands is
shaping his own culture. The third and middle chunk of the triangle, the one
that is often labeled personality, ironically has had its roots way back in his
middle school. It is this middle chunk that is least likely to change
in the years to come, even if the music, games and the women now are all significantly
different.
and the color of his eyes; the combination of living in three varied lands is
shaping his own culture. The third and middle chunk of the triangle, the one
that is often labeled personality, ironically has had its roots way back in his
middle school. It is this middle chunk that is least likely to change
in the years to come, even if the music, games and the women now are all significantly
different.
In this, he finds solace and acceptance of his being.
It is striking how you recall years in long winded details. I merely remember blips off and on. Just noticed how culture is succeeded by the third 🙂
Long winded details are easy if you have been wound up for as long as I have been 🙂 I am glad you found it striking despite the length of my sentences.
You outdo yourself.. as you must because you are D!
As I read your post, I recall wanting to be you.. in middle-school but not everybody can be a head-girl. It is definitely a great achievement and a salute to the parents that raised you.
I learned over the years that perhaps, being the underdog is better suited to my ways. Takes the pressure off, you must feel that sometimes. It's good that your idea of woman perfection has also evolved as you entered adulthood. (I hope I interpreted that last paragraph correctly .. but that is what makes your blog interesting).
Don't ever lose that head-boy side of you!
Jasmine: Thanks! You are so kind to me writing 🙂