A story with some morals

Doing a steady 80 mph which was already 15 mph over the speed limit I was considerably content with my life as I headed back from Michigan to Erie PA.

About an hour into the drive, two cars whizzed past me. The leader of the pack was a Dodge Caravan (To make matters worse it was colored green), followed by a Honda Civic. Me being Type A personality and severely choleric was left with no choice but to follow the two-car streak.

Soon, the three of us were channeling our way through traffic at a breezy 100 mph. We paid no respect to the Audi’s, Cadillac’s or even the occasional V10 trucks. Life seemed to be at its pacey best.

We interchanged position on the podium frequently until we came across a traffic pattern that only the dodge and I could get through unhampered while the civic was left behind. Showing little sympathy we kept on going.

I was pretty much tail gating the dodge when she braked hard dropping both our speeds to 70 mph. Wondering what caused this life style change, I was about to pull in the fast lane to pass when the dodge slowly careened into the slow lane leaving me exposed in the middle lane, to a white cop car.

Heartbeat was up. We both passed the cop car at 70 mph though I was sure he would have seen the dodge before me since I was right behind the green dodge. Suddenly from nowhere, I saw the silver civic trying to make up time in the fast lane and catch up till he saw the cop down and slowed down too. Imagine all three of us, doing 70 mph on adjacent lanes, each knowing that something was about to happen.

Almost expectedly the cop started following us. I stood my ground in the middle lane and slowed down to allow the silver civic to come to center lane too. The cop was now along side me. I slowed further and cop quickly positioned himself behind the civic. I wanted to let go of my held breath but I wanted to be sure.

Thirty seconds the cop lights flashed and he motioned the civic to the side of the road, as the dodge and I went ahead feeling mighty relieved.

And thus, I managed to escape a ticket that would not only have ruined my day, made it costlier but would have tainted my driving record and left me in a compromised position to advise my kids.

Rest of the way home, I used cruise control and tried very hard not to speed again. In the mean time I decided I should share my learning’s from this episode for all those free way dwellers.

Instructions for speeders and non-speeders

1.Don’t speed unless you find a pack of speeders.
2.Make sure you are not the lead and make sure that you shield yourself well from the prying eyes of a cop.
3.Be prepared to grab a hold of a map of some kind when the whole pack slows down for a cop, indicating that you had no clue what was going around you, as you were busy trying to find your way to the local missionary for some charity work.
4.Try short speeding bursts instead of consistent over speeding.
5.After a couple of scares, if you do decide to stick to the limit invent an alter ego to keep yourself occupied.
6.Do not on any circumstances pick up hitchhikers; your alter ego will be better company most of times.
7.On similar lines, contemplate the meaning of life and think how a tire is manufactured.
8.Start counting road kill and predict what the next road kill could be.
9.Start setting loose targets on arrival times so that you can beat them comfortably even at your snail’s pace.
10.Start convincing yourself that by driving to speed limits you might end up being more of a sissy but arrive only 15 minutes later than if you were speeding with pride.
11.Throw in the financial twist and calculate the amount of money you would save on gas by driving slow and steady by adding up the candy you can buy with it.
12.Don’t drive
13.Become a cop
14.For chronic speeders like me, practice tips 1 to 4 but add chaos theory, karma and faith to the whole matter.
15.For people who like being ‘proper’, further console yourself that the world is not really going anywhere fast so you don’t need to.
16.If a cop is reading this blog, then the entire story was a hoax and I respect what you do and your Ford Crown Victoria’s are the best cars ever.

Note:

In a brief attack of stupidity, if you do get a ticket after following my instructions please dont blame me. I understand that getting a ticket is a shattering event and your are looking for someone to blame, but the only person responsible would be yourself.

In other words, please don’t overspeed and drive safe.