“There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb”
No. Despite Floyd’s brilliance, I am still confused about the terminology. How do you define Love and Pain for a lost Indian boy?
I wish I could go back in time when I mushed about love and pain. It was tougher then when I had no idea what these terms meant. Today, I still don’t know them but have enough ignorance to believe that I understand them.
Nothing excites me anymore as it used too. Simple things such as clothes, friends, music and food…they all pan out of my excitement window in less then a day. I never did talk to my parents too much when I was home. But now a good 8000 miles away, I still find myself buying milk more then calling cards.
What about pain? Has it eventually stopped hurting? There are times, when I know, I should be sad. When being sad is the right thing to do! Instead, I induce indifference and carry on. If not indifference then the ever-alluring ignorance…
I used to cry so much before. It was fantastic. The befuddled view through moist eyes and calm sleep that follows. Now, I think crying is too much effort and hate the cold that follows.
Is this a ‘circle’ effect? What goes around comes around? Am I retaliating to the universe’s nonchalant attitude?
Don’t think I am getting anywhere with this. How about an exercise for all you readers?
1. Close your eyes
2. Think of someone dear and near to you.
3. Think of them now, far far away.
4. Open you eyes.
5. Investigate for any watery secretions around the eyes.
6. If dry, join the club.
7. If not, Go away. Don’t show off.
This is one of those posts where nothing intelligent can be said, and I won’t try to. Keep the faith.
Hoping ur okay….
– Pallavi
Pallavi. Thats the problem. I much too Ok.
It probably is quarter life fatigue.
The future you prepared for, all through your pre-pubscent, adolescent and pre-adult years, is finally here. And your not too sure if you need to embrace it or examine it. This uncertainity and the proverbial loss of newness (the result of the child in you being hijacked by the complexity of choices) schemes with its distasteful sister – disillusionment. Now, that coupled with a certain youthful confidence and hope inspires you to pursue the “otherwise” endeavours, which in more ways than one is an xpression of your establishement of an identity.
Amidst all this activity the layer of the alarmingly consistent neutrality of emotions gets maliciously multiplied.
The edge you once thought you had amongst your peers begins to slowly wear off. You have climbed the hierarchy of competition and before you know you are sucked up in the labrynth of the superiority race. The iffy leeches the bloody chickens and not to forget the kith and the kin loose their ability to matter and influence.. considerbly. And we thought living was larger than all this.
Divya. Fantastic.
And while I disagree with the last statement completely, besides flagging some other statements, I absolutely love the way to you came up with this as your parting thought.
“And we thought living was larger than all this”
I dont know the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’, but honestly what is it tht is done when u feel nothing?!..When the calling cards and the phone become a mere redundant necessity..when u mail cos u hv to..what do u do esp wen the other side refuses to understand..and then i dont understand wht is worse not feeling or forcing a feeling..comfortably for me it is the first..but then is tht ok too?
Hey CAR, thanks. Yeah i agree the last statement is not a postulate – its credibility is debatable.. but i somehow like to end with such notes. Coz
1. They end up looking profound (at the face of it, hehe!) 2.And they render a touch of grief and hence look mystic!
Complex? – sorry couldnt keep it any simpler!
Hey CAR, thanks. Yeah i agree the last statement is not a postulate – its credibility is debatable.. but i somehow like to end with such notes. Coz
1. They end up looking profound (at the face of it, hehe!) 2.And they render a touch of grief and hence look mystic!
Complex – sorry couldnt keep it any simpler!
Okay. So it seems like I am the only person, who, for the last few days, has been going around with the inexplicible feeling- I am so glad my life is mine!!
Woohoo!
What happened ???? I hope u ok !!