It is, however, in need of repairs. My frequency of posts has halved. I seem to be circling around the same ideas. My travelogues have hardly anything unique about them. And my posts about my first love seem to be intentionally ignored. My writing is now followed by a select few (for which I am extremely grateful). I am attracting no new visitors. Most of the bloggers in my blog roll are dead, literally. And my alias David is happy, even without Jennifer.
I have been dissecting my previous posts to see where it went astray and if I could somehow revive the magic formula. But during that dissection something struck me fairly clearly. Although my writing style has become compact over the years, I used to write much darker back then. There was something raw about my pain that I was expressing. There was a tendency to be abstract but at the same time, a desperate need to state clearly what was wrong. Maybe it was this public masochism was drawing a crowd. Or maybe it ticked everyone’s voyeuristic fetishes. Lately though, even the pain description seems matured, grown up and for the lack of a better word, boring. I seem happier now. Difficult days are made light off. The posts have happy and reasonable endings. German troubles are drowned in Biergartens. My white BMW is gulping down Autobahns dutifully. I haven’t used the phrase ‘quarter life crisis’ for a fair while now. I seem to be taking this aging in my stride and am feeling optimistic about my absolute averageness. All in all, it seems everything is fine, except of course, my writing.
Was my past really that terrible that it spurred better writing? Or was it just that I used it as a medium to vent it effectively. Coming to Germany has also been weirdly unwinding. In a land obsessed with rules and following them, I seem to have found my mellow. On Sundays, when I have more than enough time to write, I find myself running through tree lined alleys and swimming through gallons of delicious beer. I went from needing to blog to now rather just wanting to blog when I feel like it.
It has also much to do with age. I used to track my page visit counter and my gloat over the statistics of my visitors. But today, despite knowing that I have only a handful (perhaps) of readers, it hardly stirs any emotions. I would like to be read more but I rather just write better. My own stagnant has blog roll stopped me from reading new writers out there. I keep seeking those stories on Facebook timelines and twitter feeds and come up feeling short.
I owe this blog more attention. It has documented my time away from home in the most fascinating manner. My likes, dislikes, my travels and random stories lay strung through the years. Throughout the word storm, the subject of cars and a girl has always stayed constant. And am afraid, when it comes to subject matter, I would struggle to stray far from that.
It is this phase of weird peace; I need to cause a stir. If you have been visiting regularly, I promise you turmoil more often. For those who might stumble here eventually, I can only offer you four wheels and a heart.
Probably sharing of happy stories needs happy readers. I do believe going for away for recollecting the self is helpful. Even if it is a path you disagree with. I hope to see the changes this blog wants to engage in soon! 🙂
If you think about it facebook, twitter – both these popular 'one-liner' medium has a happy/witty/show-off feel to them. People are saturated with reading about how well someone else's life is going.
But are people really that happy and satisfied? And if they are how is it they are not bored of the sameness?
(Can it just be me who needs a battle to win, a crisis to solve and then feel the few moments of happiness? – Maybe there is something called as sustained happiness and I haven't caught on to it)
But the point is can you dare to openly be unhappy in a rather happy electronic world?
I relate to your feelings about the blog… but I have always felt that the more honest you are, the better the writing.
Maybe it is time to dig deeper within us, to find something new there. Maybe it is not about the audience being bored, but we being bored with the level of truth that we can offer.
I agree A. No point chasing a theme. I rather just stick to what I like writing about but just do it more often! I am not sure if I am afraid of writing more truthfully. I just feel my truth is not sad enough 🙂
Oh well, I am glad that quality like you still visit time to time and leave thoughtful comments like these..
The blog is your stage. Light it up anyway you want it. I think you write well, but are you too pragmatic to be sensationalist?
MR: You are right. I best stick to measured melodrama and automotive adventures 🙂
lol. NOOOOOO… watch some korean drama. 😛
I just read your blog:
To see whats new with you and to learn about the places you visit… and to find any grammatical/typographical errors ;P
You can tell me to stop nitpicking when we meet in October.
My frequency of reading your blog has gone down a lot over the last 6 months. On unrelated note, Rohan is now 6 months old 🙂
🙂 good to see you here. I will be sure to insert done errors to keep you on your toes.
LOL. You sound adorable! Love this:
Lately though, even the pain description seems matured, grown up and for the lack of a better word, boring. I seem happier now. Difficult days are made light off. The posts have happy and reasonable endings. German troubles are drowned in Biergartens. My white BMW is gulping down Autobahns dutifully. I haven’t used the phrase ‘quarter life crisis’ for a fair while now. I seem to be taking this aging in my stride and am feeling optimistic about my absolute averageness. All in all, it seems everything is fine, except of course, my writing.
🙂
Keep writing, I do read. And I definitely prefer the new, cleaner look. Never was a big fan of cars anyways.