I really have myself to blame. I have, over time, convinced myself that good guys are ultimately moderate. That even if they finish last, they finish relatively well. But now I find that the race has long finished and I am still struggling to reach the home stretch. My measured niceness, my moderation of emotional outbursts and modicum of Shakespearean drama has yielded very meek results.
What stopped me from confessing overwhelming abundance of adulation to a girl who seemed to flinch at the mere mention of my interest hold her hand? It’s a rhetoric question I find myself asking as she ties the knot and hand her hand away.
And what prevented me from letting her know exactly what I felt? Why didn’t I manifest my pain in louder screams of complaint? Instead she walked away on a phone call, relative unscathed. Never knowing, the knots she tied internally.
You can argue perhaps that the outcome of these outbursts would have been no different had I been temperamental. I am not rooting for a life of excess but rather a reckless abandon when it comes to irrational emotion. Why hold back there? What are you saving your wincing for? Would careful selection of words really express how you feel?
These are answers I wish to seek.
It’s no secret that most of us struggle to shirk our cloaks of mediocrity. Does moderation go hand in hand with mediocrity? Did I incidentally let one ‘m’ while trying hard to keep the other “m” out? Perhaps, it really isn’t a matter of choice. Maybe I was born with this helpless skill of maintaining decorum and civility. That I have been specifically designed by numerous genes and one God to never finish the race but to only keep running.
The time to push boundaries is now. And I am starting with this article which I have intentionally stayed up to write. I am choosing to seriously damage the time line of my Sunday chores. I wish to hamper the ironing of seven dress shirts and the winterization of my Lotus.
I intend to stay left, when I should clearly maintain the middle lane. Not because I believe that the destination would be vastly different but merely because I would like a change of scenery in getting there.
Well maintaining decorum doesnt necessarily mean being less expressive, its more with the words one express but finally feeling are conveyed both way, reckless or subtle. Maintaining left or middle,finally exploring the roads which meets at one point can only help…
Birdy
Birdy: You might speak of saying more with saying less or being subtle. But at times I feel, being subtle is just an easier way of avoiding the spillage that might occur the other way.
That's just me though.
Its not saying more with saying less.But what makes one stop needs to be faught.Wht if,could,would are too heavy to carry ahead,its one end or the other.The guy from your fiction needs to run like hell and get the answers,whtever it may be..truth is easy to digest than regret..
Hope he gets all his answers and peace
I don't know what's better, or if that really is the question. but a change of scenery is nice, subtly or not doesn't matter.
And, I don't believe moderation is the only state, I think we get into phases with everything, no? I do. Passion surfaces, when it does, I don't think it can ever be forced, but it's good to express because that means there are no reflections which you question.
And then Dush, que sera sera…